Like I always tell myself, it's better off without you .

I really hate this feelings. why don you give me a shoot & off i go frm world. it would be 3rd month if you were still here with me. I cant really try to let you go, i'd teared, hurt everything. You din knw wht's wrong with my feelings. You hurt, cursed, broke it. I hate you damn much through everything. But, i still love the past us; No happiness? Why. I don blame you for not saying out. But, why do you leave me with just a "happiness" word only? Am i hurt? Can anyone tell me what to do. i wanted to forget you & had a new life. But, i failed to do it. TELL ME, would you just give it to me? What i want was the past us. I dont need anything; just happiness for us. Yes, i regretted what i really did last time to you. Everybody's telling you not to belief me AGAIN. But, what you did was come back to me. You was finding it back. Not letting them to knw anything from us. I don really knw have i dissapointed you again. When i heard tht youre with her. Not together. But, i was very hurt you knw? You can fool arnd when im down. I don blame you for being selfish, topping her with more loves & less for me. I'd been hiding from you always when i saw you, calling yr sister or whtever to cover my face frm you. Im not dared to see you. But, im willing to see you EVERYDAY. I need you by my side to do those cute faces for entertaining me, those stupid jokes to make me happy. im really deeply regretted. I keep on asking friends all about you. I heard, i hurt.
Remember, th first time whn i was with you. You was smiling so cute & happily when looking at me. I hate you very much on tht time. You called tht guy i liked to be with me. Just to let me happy & he promised you to be with me. Aft brking with him, you was down and everything. Now, when i look into yr face. I see none a past smiles. You smile, but its fake i knw. I remember, wht you promise me. You'll always do it. No matter what. We really had alot of happy things all along our lifes. You was not dared to tell me you love me at tht time. I dn hate you tht time past. I don really care if you love her more then anything or my friends told me everything was a lie. I can say, youre the best part of me in my life. Everybody said that i am super cheerful at all times. Yes, its fake smiles too. No every ofcause. You gave me everything you can affort. You said, "everything is possible to gave it to me. wht i want is to see you smiling like the past". I was touched. But, i hurt you again & again. On the past few months you suddenly send me a message contaning those hurtness words. You said, we don sult to be a friends/lovers. & saying alot more to hurt me real deeply. Everyone's here reading. I don knw if its reallytouched you all. But, its a real story. Hoping not to let him knw it. I knw he treat he's brothers th first prop. But, im really willing to change back! don hate me for saying all this here. im just saying out how imma feeling.
I'll really remember every 14th on every months.I cant bared to let it go, serousily.